The Boyfriend Guide
by Strands of Ivy and Sakura
Summary: One day while waiting for Hotaru, the group stumble upon an unusual book. Inside reveals a bunch of rules for being a boyfriend. The interesting part? Each one comes with a little story by Mr. Natsume Oneshot


**Strands of Ivy and Sakura: Hi people! This will be my first one-shot! This was based off of a forward, so you might have read something REALLY similar, but I assure you that this was my idea and if you have a story similar to it, I had no idea and had no intention of copying your story.**

**Natsume: You talk too much, you wacko author.**

**Strands of Ivy and Sakura: HEY! MIKAN! SHUT YOUR TRUE LOVE'S TRAP WITH A KISS!**

**Mikan:*Blushes* Hey! That pervert is not my true love!**

**Natsume: Then why do you blush every time you look at my sexy body?**

**Strands of Ivy and Sakura: * Slaps forehead* Erg. Mikan, disclaimer. Please.**

**Mikan: Stands of Ivy and Sakura does not own the characters of Gakuen Alice or the forward. Thank you! XD**

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><p>It was a warm spring day for the gang. The sky was a beautiful light blue; there wasn't a single cloud in the endless sky. It was a perfect day to go to Central town. Natsume, Mikan, Ruka, Anna, Nonoko, Sumire, Koko, Yuu, and Mochu though were stuck waiting for Hotaru under the Sakura tree.<p>

"When is Hotaru gonna come so we can go to Central town?" Mochu whined.

"Couldn't Hotaru skip out on her inventions for one day?" Nonoko asked.

"You know we can't leave without her, or else!" Sumire said impatiently. Everyone, even Natsume, shuddered at the thought.

Anna then noticed a book five feet away from the Sakura tree. She picked it up and waved everyone over. "Hey, check this out!"

Nonoko took the book from Anna's hand and read the title, "The Boyfriend Guide."

Our brown haired heroine peered over Nonoko's shoulders. Mikan asked, "Nonoko-chan, who's it by?"

"I'm not sure. It doesn't say on the cover; let me check the back." She turned it around and saw a picture of Hotaru. Under the picture were the words _Imai Inc._

"Since when does Hotaru write books?" Mikan asked. Her best friend was famous for her taste in blackmailing, not literature.

"We're waiting for her anyway. Why not read it?" Ruka suggested. He actually wondered if Hotaru had a good enough boyfriend that she even wrote a book about it, or if she even had a boyfriend! Yes, bunny boy had a crush on the devious inventor.

Everyone except Natsume glanced at each other before nodding.

"I don't see what's so great about the book anyway," Natsume said.

"Shut up Natsume! I want to read it!" Mikan countered.

"I want to see how much that blackmailer knows about dating anyway!" Sumire said with a determined fire in her eyes.

"Sorry, Nastume, majority wins," Koko reported while grinning.

"Then it's decided. Let's read it over at the Sakura tree," Mochu said. They all nodded and started walking over.

Everyone quickly chose a spot and sat down. Mikan, Natsume, and Ruka were sitting with their backs against the trunk of the tree, while Anna and Nonoko chose to lie on their stomachs. Sumire and Yuu just chose to sit up. Koko and Mochu lay on their backs, faces looking straight up towards the bright, blue sky.

Mikan opened up the book and started reading.

….

…..

…

_The Boyfriend Guide_

_If she walks away from you_

It was a normal day for me. I was lazily lying under the blooming Sakura tree. My arms were wrapped around my year old girlfriend, Sakura Mikan. It's kind of ironic that her last name is Sakura and we're sitting under a Sakura tree, eh?

"Hey, Natsume! Can we go to the spring festival at Central town together?" Mikan asked, her eyes shining. It was an annual thing in Alice Academy, which pretty much meant that it would be filled with noisy idiots.

I opened my eyes slightly and said, "Why do I have to go, too?"

Mikan pouted, "Because it's not fun going to a festival alone!"

I quickly threw on a smirk. "Isn't my hotness good enough for you, _strawberries?"_I teased. Then I gently lifted her chin with my fingers. She had a confused face. After a few seconds, it finally dawned her, making her cheeks turn rose red.

Mikan was about to reply when that annoying bell ruined the moment. Her eyes widened, and she shot up like a rocket.

"PERVERT!" Mikan shouted as she ran towards the school.

From a distance, I saw a boy waving to _my_ Polka. She went over to him. At first she had a look of utter confusion, then smiled and started walking with him and started "chatting".

My eyes narrowed. What is that punk doing with _my_ Polka? Nobody, I repeat, NOBODY walks close to Polka exceptme! Quickly I got up and started following her.

After a few minutes and me "accidently" shooting fire balls at that punk, Mikan finally turned around. She asked, hands on her hips, "Natsume, why are you following me?" Now she notices?

I answered, "Because you're _my_girlfriend"

I glared at the idiot that tried to walk close to Polka. By then, he already started peeing in his pants while running away from the flames.

"NATSUME!"

_*Follow her*_

_2.) When she pushes you or hits you_

I was sitting at my desk before the girly Narumi came in. My friends Koko, Anna, Nonoko, Sumire, Yuu, Mochu, Hotaru, and my best friend Ruka were gathered around my desk.

"Is Mikan-chan going to make it in time?" Yuu asked nervously. If there is a mother hen in our group, it's him.

"The idiot is going to be fine," Hotaru replied as she polished her Baka Gun V.20. How that blackmailer is my friend is a mystery.

"How are you so sure Hotaru-chan?" Anna asked curiously.

"Window," Hotaru answered while giving us her usual emotionless face.

We all glanced out the window to see Mikan running towards the high school. Her long, slender legs ran so delicately it looked as if my clumsy Polka was walking on water. I paused; did I really just think that?

After a few minutes of waiting, Polka finally barged into homeroom, breathless." Sorry I'm late!" she breathed. She started walking towards us when she suddenly tripped, knocking me down with her.

After two whole minutes, she got up and rubbed her head. "Ow…" She glanced down and FINALLY noticed someone, as in me, was under her. She shot up and guiltily said "I'm sorry, Nastume! Are you okay?"

I smirked as I sat up, "So its stripes today, eh?"

She once more gave me a confused look before realized what I meant. Mikan quickly jumped two feet away from me, her face beet red as she shakily waved her index finger at me. "PERVERT! STOP LOOKING AT MY BRA AND PANTIE PATTERENS!"

I leaned back on my chair and smirked, "I never said it as your bra or panty pattern, but thanks for telling me,_stripes_."

Her face scrunched up in anger and embarrassment. She screeched, "NATSUME! YOU IDIOT!", then running towards me, fists clenched tightly as she prepared to punch my guts out.

Just as she was an inch away from my face, I quickly grabbed her arm, pulled her toward me and wrapped my arms securely around her. Mikan struggled at first, but eventually realized she could NEVER break free of my iron grip.

I gently whispered in her ear, my breathe dancing on her neck, "But you're my little Stripes, now and forever."

She quickly shivered before she relaxed into my arms. Mission accomplished.

_Click._

"Smile for the camera"

I whipped my head towards the voice. It was Hotaru, a camera in her hand. Money signs could clearly be seen in her eyes.

That blackmailer is going to die.

_*Grab her and don't let go*_

_3.) When she brushes your hand_

"Natsume! Over here!" Mikan said, waving her arms with excitement. It's a miracle that she hasn't injured anyone yet.

I quickly threw a silent sigh before walking over to the line. You heard me, line, for Mikan's favorite snack. Guess what Polka's favorite snack is. It starts with an 'H' and ends with an 'N'. The point is though,

I had cracked.

Considering what had happened earlier this week though, I defiantly did NOT trust her alone for more than 2 minutes. If someone offered Mikan Howalon as long as she got in to the car, she would gladly go. That's only a small extent of her utter stupidity.

I was practically half way there before Mikan got impatient and decided to drag me over there.

"Come on Natsume! If we don't hurry, it will run out!" Mikan said while she continued to drag me with her fierce grip.

She made a sudden stop as we reached the end of the line. Mikan finally let go, allowing me to try to get some feeling back into my arm. I stole a glance at the line. Damn it, it's at least a mile from the actual stand! It's going to take at least an hour!

…

"Thank you so much!" the woman said before leaving.

Ya, you decide to leave after making me wait for another ten minutes. There is something called costumer RESPECT! It was finally our turn but when we walked up, only to see the sold out sign innocently sitting on the stand.

Mikan stared at the sign for a few minutes, and then took a deep breath. She quickly drew her hands up in despair "WHY, WORLD? WHY DID YOU SELL OUT! WHAT HAVE I DONE WRONG?" I stole another glance and noticed small tears rimmed her eyes. Damn, no matter how stupid it seemed, she can still look like an angel. Crap! Not the stupid hormones again!

"Oi, Polka. Calm down," I said.

"Bu-but I really, really, REALLY want some!" Mikan replied.

"I'm getting some lunch," I said, no longer interested of my girlfriend's predicament. I stalked off in the opposite direction, allowing the light spring breeze to cool me from the sun.

I was two meters away from her when she finally woke up from her trance. She ran to catch up and said," Natsume! Wait!"

Mikan slowed down as she came towards me. She placed her hands on my back for support as she struggled for air." Sl-slow d-down!"

I cocked my head back to see Mikan trying to catch her breath. Her hands were now placed at her knees. Mikan's face was slightly pink from the run, giving her a natural blush.

I pushed down the blush that was trying to appear on my cheeks. I put on a placid face, followed by a raised my eyebrow," Well?"

"You could have waited!" Mikan said. She glared, her brown eyes lighting a spark in her iris.

"Then I would have to wait longer to eat," I replied.

Without warning, a faint male voice whistled past our ears. I curved around to see that punk waving at Mikan for the second time." Sakura-san!"

Mikan ran up to greet him. What is she doing? I gaudily walked up to him; sending a glare. I smiled silently as that punk started sweating.

"Hey Mimasaka-kun!" Mikan said while giving him a small smile.

"Ya, hi Mi-ma-sa-ka," I said, punctuating every syllable. He better not try anything or he is going to meet a very _fiery_ end.

"I saw that you really wanted some Howalon. Seeing that it's sold out, would you like some of mine?" Mimasaka asked.

Stalker!

Her eyes shined brightly," Thank you so much!" she went to grab some from that punk, her hand mistakenly brushing against mine. I glanced up to see a glint in his eye. He was gently wetting his lips. My eyes quickly widened in horror. HE IS GOING TO DIE!

"Natsume! What are you doing?" Mikan asked as I held on her hand tightly, dragging her as far away from that creep as possible. Behind me, Mimasaka was out cold, scorch marks evident on his "rich boy" clothing.

"Stay away from him," I said, not bothering on looking back.

"Why? All he was doing was giving some Howalon!" Mikan said.

"He had a perverted glint in his eye," I replied.

"And you're the one to talk! You're just imagining it!" Mikan said.

My patience snapped" Oi! Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it isn't there!" I yelled. Subsequently I muttered," I'm not going to let you get hurt."

I finally turned around after a long silence. The spring breeze was teasing my bangs. Mikan stood still, he hand at last released from mine. Her bangs covered her eyes as she walked toward me. I tensed up, expecting a slap in the face. Instead I was rewarded with a chaste kiss on the cheek. Mikan got on her toes once more, seeing as she had to get on her toes to reach my cheek. She whispered in my ear, her breath now dancing on _my_ neck," Thank you though, Natsume."

She looked up and smiled." Let's go eat," she said, her hand entwined with mine.

I cocked my head down, allowing my bangs to hide my present blush.

_*Grab hers*_

_4.) When she is cold_

"Achoo!" Mikan sneezed for the hundredth time since we left Anna's food stand.

By the time we exited the building, the sun had already set. Special lights were put up for the festival, designed to look like fairy dust was sprinkled over the fairytale town. They glittered in an array of colors, making sure there were almost absolutely no sights of darkness. Considering my bad mood though, it looked like an overrated unicorn threw up over the town.

"Moron! Why in fuck didn't you bring a jacket?" I said.

She let out a pout," Its spring. How am I supposed to know it would be cold?"

"There is something called a weather forecast," I stated. It should be easy to look it up since they allowed the great internet at Alice Academy.

"They invented that already?" Mikan asked with shock.

My mouth mentally dropped. I guess my theory about her living in a giant pink and girly box was true. Who woulda thunk? I decided just to let out a sigh of defeat. I slid my arms out of the warm sleeves of my jacket and threw it at Mikan.

"Natsume! What are you doing? "Mikan asked.

"I'm giving it to you. I don't want a human popsicle for a girlfriend."

Mikan stared.

Oh god! I face palmed my forehead, "Would you just put on the jacket?"

*_Hand her your jacket*_

_5.) If she won't talk to you first_

I fumed my fingers against the wooden plate in which we call a desk. That damn Polka hasn't been talking to me for weeks! If this was any other annoying female specimen, I wouldn't give a shit. This is Mikan Sakura though, and she has serious mental problems. I swear there was something else too. Oh well, I'm not in the mood to search my memory for it.

"Dang! Natsume-kun is mad! The room feels like the sauna!" I heard some idiot feverishly whisper. I glared, who gave them fucking permission to call me by my first name? Also, I'm not some fragging overprotective boyfriend. I quickly turned my head out the window once again and continued think about my girlfriend's unnatural silence. Even at lunch, she wouldn't move her mouth, thus marking the most boring lunch in the history of the world. She didn't even flinch when I called her Polka!

Finally, I just couldn't take it anymore as my fury exploded. I slammed my hands against the desk as I stood up, making my class jump in fear. Che, weaklings.

"Come," I growled as I dragged her, A.K.A Mikan, out of the heated classroom. As soon as we left, a ripple of gossip went through the classroom. I'll deal with that later.

Mikan continued to try to yank her hand away from mine as we made our way towards our Sakura tree, but she continued to be silent. When we reached my sanctuary (not counting Mikan) I swung her in front of me and letting go of her hand. She gently rubbed her left arm and glared at me with her chocolate brown eyes.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I lashed out, knowing I had my dangerous glint in my blazing red eyes. Silence. With that I lit a flame in my hand and backed Milan against the Sakura tree's trunk. I put the flame dangerously close to her face, even though I knew she could easily nullify it. I did not really care about hurting her, it was the fear I wanted, "Talk."

I don't know if it was the fire being in her face too long or just the fact that she couldn't stand not talking anymore, but she cracked. Milan spoke to me in a grudging voice, her eyes turned away from mine, "I wouldn't talk to you because I was mad at you for burning down my laptop," she quickly broke into a grin at looked at me in the eye," And because of this." She raised her voice while I was still in shock and yelled," NOW!"

Shit. "What the," I managed to say before I was hit blow after blow with water. It was fucking cold water too. I shot my eyes open in fury after the attack was over, looking for my attackers.  
>It seemed as if my "attackers" were none other than my friends. Each one was hovering above me with an annoying grin on their face, even Ruka. Traitor. The weapons varied from water hoses, buckets of water, water guns, and occasional water balloon. Hotaru continued snapping photos to sell and for later blackmailing. They all hollered with joy," Happy April Fools!"<p>

What the hell? Since when do we celebrate that? I looked up and glared, lingering on Koko and sending a trail of hellish thoughts.

Koko started sweating in fear. "Shit, Run!" he said as he ran down toward the building, a trail of fearful followers following him.

And hence resulted in the teacher's finding my attackers stranded on multiple trees the following week, even my so called "innocent" girlfriend.

_*Talk to her first*_

_6.) If she stares at your lips*_

Mikan stared intently at me. She cocked her head to left, then the right. She got crawled across the cool grass under the Sakura tree and resumed looking at my _lips._ Shit, she noticed.

She closed her eyes and brought in a small intake of air. When she finally opened her eyes, she fell down towards the ground laughing. "Your-hahaha- wearing- hahaha- LIP GLOSS!" she said through fits of melodic laughing. Even when laughing at me, she still sounds pretty. Damn you.

You're wondering how I ended up in this damn state. All of it started with me taking my nap. Then Imai runs up and smears me with this damn girly contraction. Now I'm stuck with it for a whole week.

"Shut up," I muttered a dark shadow crossed my face, covering my eyes.

"Hahaha! Hotaru-chan even flavored it! Hahaha!" Mikan continued.

"SHUT UP," I said more insistently. Would she just shut her trap already?

" Hahaha! Natsume is a _drag Queen!"_ the horrid words escaped her lips.

My eyes quickly flared in anger. WHAT THE HELL! I'm not sure if it was because of desperation or just because, but I quickly pulled her towards me and kissed her. I could describe you the sensations of kissing someone yada yada yada. If you really want to know, go shove your lips in someone's face.

When we finally broke from the kiss, Mikan smiled and leaned her head against my chest. She probably could hear my heart beating like a racehorse. "I love you," she whispered tenderly.

"Same," I simply replied. No long poetry or singing. I didn't need to because she already knew."

"I should call you Drag Queen more often."

"You wouldn't _dare."_

_*Kiss her senseless*_

_Do the previous rules and you will have a successful relationship._

…...

…...

The gang stared at the book, a shocked look on all of their faces. All heads turned like robots towards out leading couple, Mikan and Natsume. Mikan looked as if she was going to die from embarrassment while Natsume looked as if he wanted to punch some one's guts out, namely a certain inventor with the name of Imai Hotaru.

Anna was the first to recover." Umm, what was _that?_Did you write that Natsume-kun?_"_

A look of murder crossed his face as he glared at everyone," Why the fuck would I write that?"

Everyone sweat dropped in fear. This is where our beautiful villain, Hotaru, enters the scene. "I see you found my bestseller. You owe me ten rabbits each for reading that."

Mikan's eyes widened in fear," Other's have read this?"

"Naturally. Thanks to Koko and his mind reading, I have gained millions of profit, "Hotaru replied.

Everyone gulped in fear as the saw a dark aura pass Natsume. He looked at Koko, an evil glint in his eye. Then lightning struck his features as he looked at Koko," You."

Koko let out a stream of tears as he started running away from Natsume's grasp. "Imai! YOU PROMISED YOU WOULDN'T TELL!" And thus were the last words they heard from Koko.

For a few moments, no one spoke. Then the girls of the group, not counting poor Mikan of course, squealed in happiness. They all spoke in chorus," Oh my gosh! That was so CUTE! Can I have a copy?"

The inventor replied in monotone," Twenty rabbits."

"Deal!" they all cried.

Once again, silence while the girls finished buying the book from Imai.

As soon as the girls returned, Ruka said offhandedly, "By the way, was Koko wearing the nullification stone?" Everyone got nullification stones from Mikan years ago. The purpose at the time was to protect them from the enemies. Now, most of them used it to block Koko from reading their minds and from Natsume's rampages.

Mochu replied," Nah, he left it at the dorms."

Suddenly everyone's eyes widened in realization. The same thought ran though everyone's heads. Yes, even Sumire. The thought was just one simple word: _crap._Everyone realized what would happen to their poor friend Koko.

"I'll go grab the coffin."

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><p><strong>Ahahaha! I'm done! Anyways please review! I just love reviews! Happy thanksgiving everyone!<strong>  
><strong>By the way, I never read really far in the manga but, who are the bad guys in there? I'm not talking about Luna though, even though she is a b****.<strong>  
><strong>Please try to ignore any grammar mistakes please!<strong>


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